Posted by: seasin | September 2, 2011

This one for my dad

Been a bit grim these past few days. My father would have celebrated his 60th this week.

He was my inspiration, my hero and my strenght.

He passed away 5 years ago, still very young, killed by a cancer which did not give him one chance. Within 4 months, from bad news to not here anymore.

Although I never cried much, grief is still very much part of my secret heart, even now. I still grab my phone to call him and share a particular thought, a joke, a bit of happy news.

This week in particular, I kept thinking of all the good things in my life that he never got to witness, all the wonderful little things that we never got to share.

He never saw me graduate from Law school, my graduation thesis broke my heart because I had chosen the subject back when he wasn’t even sick, to do him proud…

He never knew about my great love story, the one that eventually took me away from home.

We didn’t sit down to talk about all the wonderful places and people that I’ve seen and met since.

He didn’t give away his youngest daughter when she got married earlier this month, and oh God that was an empty moment on such a happy day!

Most of all, he’s not there when I’m in doubt, or in pain, when I need counsel, or comfort, or a good old telling off.

He raised me strong, and independent, and resilient. But I’m still a girl, and every now and then, the world is a big, empty, scary place without dad to lean on, without someone you know would look after you no matter what.

This evening I’m having a birthday party, dad. None of the people there knew you, and they know nothing about you at all. I’m going to silently raise a glass to you, and hope against reason that you’re in a happy place.

I miss you dad, and I always will.

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